the bully wears a mask
projects a being unknown to men
locks the true blush, hindering
radiance. let it not be discovered
let alone surmise what it can see
beyond obscurity
melancholy is enveloped by wrath


**nonsensical. what a pity.
~~~~
you don't know how it feels to be so in love with someone who doesn't even know

| Permanent Link

working nga ba?

im late for work and it's the 8th time this month. haha! i don't worry about getting a warning on my SAF. [kc kahit late ako, may mas late pa saken. at walang iba kundi c... *drum rolls* xa nah un.]

pagdating ko wala ng emails sa mailbox. yipee! ndi nga ba eto ung pinagdasal ko kahapon? para makapag blog ako. pero mmaya na un. [pero eto nah un dba?!] im gonna work on my template later. wanna sleep sana kc super sakit ng head ko. think im sick. i dont wanna visit a doctor for check-up, not that im afraid of those needles and other stuff and bloody procedure and what not to help determine what causes this severe headache. i just dont wanna hear that im sick of whatever kind.

sigh.

so un. basta m not really working. i have. but there's nothing else to do.

thank goodness coz il be needing some rest too.

| Permanent Link

what better time than now?

sakto sa timing ang song na kwarto ng sugarfree. saan? alam mo na un. i sorted out the things i don't use anymore. and i never used at all. m freeing some space for the things i use often. for the books i collected. for the clothes and accessories and many more stuff.

everything i've kept all these times that i do not really need has found its place - in the trash. it was a bit hard for me to do it. i can't let go of the sentimental value attached to every object that im throwing away. but then i should just do. there's no other way to do it. there's no other way to let go. there may be, but i think think this would really help.


~~~~
mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan
nakaraang hindi na pwedeng pagpaliban...
alaala ng lumuluhang kahapon
dahan dahan ko na ring kinakahon
natagpuan ko na ang tunay na ligaya
lumabas ako ng kwarto't naron siya

magpapaalam na sayo ang aking kwarto

| Permanent Link

i got to check my friendster only now. coz it was "under" surf control back in the office. thanks to IT? nweiz, i was surprised to see five messages there. i don't get much messages from friends in friendster nman kc unless it's really important.

one message was quite funny.

a friend replied to a post i placed on bulletin. said his birthday will be in september pa. so why did i greet? hehe. he obviously does not frequent friendster. and pretty much doesn't know how it goes about. my message was posted on bulletin and intended for public reading. i was actually greeting all june celebrants, to save me from missing a birthday which i often do for the past months. coz we are using a different timezone in the office. excuses, excuses.

im looking forward to have more idle time back at work so i can continue working on my blog. nyahaha. m being paid to work on my blog and angel's. doesn't sound so good.

im not gonna check my email today which is probably flooded by messages from that yahoogroup that i joined. such a waste of time to clean my inbox. il read any important message they have maybe tomorrow.

this pc here in netopia nga pala is kinda weird. coz the screen displays japanese characters. buti na lang i know which buttons should be clicked and what everything else means kahit na it's written in japanese.

haven't talked to lui since her visit to PS. her "barkada" was supposed to meet that day for an overnight thing. i was invited but the "gathering" would push through even without me. and it really wouldn't matter if i'll be there or not. might as well not be there. who cares?!

i don't wanna talk to anyone of them for now. or maybe for a couple of weeks or months. anyone but lui. buti nlang she called earlier. got to talk for a few good minutes. and hindi pala cla natuloy. buti nlang tlaga d me ngdecide pumunta. i would be so mad then. lage kc clang palpak sa plano.

| Permanent Link

| Permanent Link

i've been working on this header and i really cannot make it appear on my blog. kainis. bakit ayaw?! naka2frustrate nah. can somebody help?

[obvious na d me ngttrabaho noh.. hehe]

m gonna try that new skin for my blog pala.. hmm.

w8 lng.

| Permanent Link

again.
he used to share quotes and other inspiring stuff before.
says he got those from the emails - the ones you find below the automatic signature.
today i received this one.

| Permanent Link

** wala na akong maisep na pamagat para d2..

June 13, 2005 - monday

nung 12 pa ung Independence Day pero ang araw na ito ay tinurin pa ring isang holiday. may pasok ako sa trabaho dahil hindi naman holiday sa states.

maagang gumiseng para organisadong umpisahan ang isa na namang linggo ng pagsagot emails. As usual, mabagal pa rin ako kumilos. 6am nah. dapat ay nakaalis na ako kundi tiyak na male-late na naman.

wala na ba akong nakalimutan? tanong sa sarile habang nilalagyan ng hawi ang buhok at sinusuklay mabuti ang bangs.

dadalhin ko na lang pala 'tong brush kc magbu-bus lang ako ngayon kc nga holiday.

[naalala kung pano guluhin ng hangin ang ayos ng buhok noong kaya ko pa gumiseng ng maaga at sumakay ng bus dahil wala pang shuttle.]

pagdating sa sakayan ng jeep [sa may McKinley], pinigilan na lang ang mainis dahil pinipilit ng barker pagkashahin ang mga pasahero sa jeep na kapos sa upuan. Badtrip. pero wala ring magagawa. holiday ngayon. baka mataalan pa ang pagpuno sa susunod na jeep.at hindi naman ako pwede ma-late.

salamat na lang at maaga ako dumating. halos 30 minutes pa bago mag login sa call master. masaya ang araw ko. tahimik na nakikinig ng muic habang nagprocess ng email. nakaabot ng 166 mails. quota na ako hanggang sa latest hour bago magstart ang idle time.

ang saya ko.

tinulungan ko pa c angel sa knyang blog. nakakita ng bagay na ikalulungkot. sigh. bumalik sa station na may bakas ng lungkot sa mukha. pag unlock ng pc, may IM galing kay reich. link pala sa blogskin. ang cute!

masaya na naman.

at long last, nag sign up na ren ako sa blogskins. nagustuhan ko ung template pero gusto ko i-edit lang ung sa aken. ayoko baguhin totally using the new skin. pero kung aayusin ko na agad, baka kulangin lang ako sa oras. cge, magbblog na lang muna ako.

compose.

tagal ko din hindi nakapagpost kaya mejo mahaba.

CTRL + C

publish.

malapit na pala mag time. kaya sinilip ko muna yung NetAgent ko. nakita kong may 2 mails pa. isang spam at isang cancel na wala pang sagot!

cancel account. document. reply.

balik sa blogger...

page cannot be displayed

shet! sinubukan ang refresh button. wala. back button. wala ren. wala na ung mahabang entry ko =( hindi ko pa naman na-paste, copy lng. ang stupid tlaga. ang init tuloy ng ulo ko.

pero wala e. sana lang at least ma-appreciate ni cynthia na improving na ung productivity ko. kahit un na lang. masaya na ulit ako.

pinuntahan namen ni bon c badz sa mall para kunin ang mga ibabalik na gamit. npagkasunduang manood ng mr. and mrs. smith. nagtxt sa iba kung gusto sumama. [paumanhin kina reich na hindi nsabihan] isa lang ang nagreply at pass daw muna.

pauwi, muling sumakay ng bus na ordinary. nakatayo lang sa aisle dahil puno na ang bus. walang kwenta talaga ang mga lalaking lulan ng bus na yun. pagkadaan ng magallanes, wala pa ring gumagalaw, dahan dahang tumayo ang isang lolo sa aking kaliwa.tila nahihirapan dahil masikip at sa gitna ng tatluhang upuan siya nakaupo. kung siya lng ang tatayo, wag na lang. ngunit nagparaya siya binigay ang upuan sa akin. kinuha ko at nagsabing "Thank you."

nakitang gamit ang mahabang payong bilang tungkod, alam kong mahina na siya. lubog na ang mga pisngi at halos dikit na ang balat sa buto ng matandang ito. pero of all people, siya pa talaga ang nagbigay ng upuan para sa iba.

[naalala ko ung movie na pay it forward]

nakapagpasalamt na ako. wala naman akong ibang magagawa. pumikit na lamang at nagdasal ako na ana alagaan siyang mabuti ni Lord.

hindi lang maginhawang upuan ang nakuha ko sa biyaheng nagkakahalaga ng 12php. may aral din pala itong kasama -- pay it forward.

| Permanent Link

what seemed to be a promising bright morning doesn't prove anything much like it. or so it seems.

and it could have been any ordinary sunday [march 20, 2005] if not for the things that have transpired.


palm sunday

i copied something from Wikipedia which is about what Palm Sunday is...

Palm Sunday is a moveable feast in the church calendar observed by Catholic, Orthodox, and some Protestant Christians. It is the Sunday before Easter, and a celebration of the entry of Jesus into Jerusalem in the days before his execution. The crowd greeted him by waving palm fronds, giving the day its name. In the Western church it must always fall on one of the 35 dates between March 15 and April 18.
Originally the Roman Catholic Church officially called this Sunday the Second Sunday of the Passion; in 1970 the formal designation was changed to Passion Sunday, a change that has caused considerable confusion because the latter term had heretofore been affixed to the previous Sunday, or the fifth within Lent. Concomitant with this revision, the entire week before Easter was redesignated Passion Week (formerly called "Holy Week" officially, and still usually referred to as such by the general public). In the Passion Week liturgy, on Palm Sunday palm fronds are blessed outside the church building and a procession enters, singing, re-enacting the entry into Jerusalem. These palms are saved in many churches to be burned later as the source of ashes used in Ash Wednesday services. The Roman Catholic Church considers the palms to be sacramentals.
In the Eastern Orthodox Church, Palm Sunday is often called the Entry into Jerusalem, and is the beginning of Holy Week. The day before it is Lazarus Saturday, remembering the resurrection of Lazarus from the dead. On Lazarus Saturday believers often prepare palm fronds by knotting them into crosses in preparation for the procession on Sunday. In the Russian Orthodox Church, the custom developed of using pussy willows instead of palm fronds because palm fronds were not readily available.

so there, bhala na kayo mgbasa. basta that day was palm sunday. and i made plans to go to church pero ndi natuloy.


taho for breakfast

i was really hungry but have nothing to eat on the table. then came the magtataho who usually stops in front of our gate to shade himself from the heat of the sun. well, not really, but at least he can rest for a little while. i rushed to the gate with my glass and some money. that breakfast was good enough. i've been buying taho from mang felipe since i can't remember when. and till now, i still like it very much.


graduation

i have three cousins [from my mom's side] who graduated this school year. 1 in college, pot [2nd to finish college and 1st being a cum laude among us, magpipinsan.] and 2 in highschool, cling and joane [a.k.a. kyLa].

a dinner was planned to celebrate the ocassion/s. [it was abu's post-birthday celebration.] and so we were all excited to see each and everyone.

that morning, i received a message from andrea and she was asking about cling's reviewers [for college entrance exams]. so i went up to coco, my brother, and asked him if he is using those reviewers. because he was still mad since the night before, he immediately burst out with anger and fired at me. completely distraught, i fired back at him. and before i knew what was already happening to us, my tita refereed.

| Permanent Link

"Broken Sonnet"
(Roll Martinez)

and now i concede
on the night of this fifteenth song
of melancholy, of melancholy
and in this next line
i'll say it all over again
that i love you, i love you.

i don't care what they say
i don't care what they do
'cause tonight i'll leave my fears behind
'cause tonight i'll be right at your side.

lie down right next to me
lie down right next to me
and i will never let go
will never let go.

the clock on the TV says 8:39 PM
it's the same, it's the same
and in this next line
i'll say it all over again.
that i love you, i love you.

i don't care what they say
i don't care what they do
'cause tonight i'll leave my fears behind
'cause tonight i'll be right at your side.

lie down right next to me
lie down right next to me
and i will never let go
will never let go.

i'll leave my fears behind
'cause tonight i'll be right at your side.

lie down right next to me
lie down right next to me
and i will never let go
will never let go.

but still i see the tears from your eyes
maybe i'm just not the one for you.

| Permanent Link

one can never be too happy in this life.

| Permanent Link

damn good movie. me and some officemates saw house of wax on tuesday night. lucky for mai and anne they were able to release tension by screaming. but not for me. i was cursing but just couldn't scream. i sank in my seat and was still for the longest time i couldn't remember how long it has been. we headed for the terminal right after the movie and went our separate ways.

i wanted so much to take the passenger seat of the shuttle so i can stretch my legs that felt numb and weak [i really wasn't moving a joint back in the movie house], but for some reason there was this annoying old but not aged man who blocked my way. so i left the passenger seat alone coz i thought people waiting after me might get mad already.

i sat on the second of four rows of the shuttle, beside the window. then this "semikal" guy in a smart casual clothing with earphones on sat next to me. [cute.] sigh.

i suddenly thought of my ideal guy that my family should meet. i repeat, SHOULD. i know i would consider my own preferences in choosing the right kind of guy but then it is not the only thing that would matter. there are a lot more things. and you know how Filipino families do get in the way of "love" or what not.. in choosing who "would be" right for any Filipino daughter or son, in some cases.

i understand that family do take this role, especially parents, to protect and in a way try to guide and provide the best for their children. but i hope they would leave to their children the decision of choosing a partner. =)

| Permanent Link

nagtanong pa ko kay otep na nasa workforce na ngayon if he can see aux breaks. coz i dunno if i've taken my last break earlier. i couldn't remember kc feeling ko lang ngbreak nko. pero ndi tlga sure. kc prang ung kahapon pa ung naalala ko.

so i took my last break. bahala na. kht ni-check pa ni otep un, malamang overbreak n ren ako sa tgal nya bago nag reply. at ndi ren daw nya makikita. tnx nweiz.

blog. blog. blog.

took this personality test.

i noticed my timer is still running. ibig sabihen nkabreak ako or sumthing. i double-checked my avaya and tada! 24 minutes and counting. shet tlga! overbreak nga.

cno kc nakialam ng timer ko sa folder ko at naiba ung settings. nawala ung mabilis na millisecond counting. dati kc pag un gnagamit ko, bantay tlga me sa timer kc kakakaba. badtrip. un lang.

| Permanent Link

i'm high as any OC can be. tsk tsk.

Disorder Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Moderate
Dependent: Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

| Permanent Link

and i really really really care
and i really realy really want you
and i think i'm kinda scared
cos i don't want to lose you
if you really really really care
then maybe you can hang through
i hope you understand
it's nothing to you

| Permanent Link

the link to where we got the songs on our players doesn't work anymore. why? i dunno. but my playlist was not good enough so i asked ben where's that playlist he's using was located. he taught me where to find that winamp thing that contains 300 plus songs. but only a hundred or so appears on my pc. but it was fine compared to not getting any at all. i got back to work and listened to it. after around two songs, it stopped. i dunno why. it just did.

then i locked my pc and took a break. and when i got back, the screen was busted. what in the world is happening?! my netAgent is still there and my tools. and all other windows opened. but i totally lost the taskbar, if that was the name of it. i forgot na.

i have to reboot this but could not do it right now. i still have 20 emails on my workspace. and need to finish it first. good thing i know most of these shortcut keys that are a great help in times like this. coz the mouse cannot help coz there is nothing left to click on!

i only have one problem though.. i dunno what's the shortcut for maximing windows. and i am not sure too if there is one. badtrip. coz i minimized the winamp window and now i couldn't skip the songs i didn't wanna hear. stupid.

| Permanent Link